On our last hike of 2023, my hand was held by the calloused fingers of angels whose fluttering wings created a breeze all around me. It was a stunning and glorious day that I will always remember. Even Nova and Josie were immobilized from the experience. We surely hiked to heaven and back and danced with the angels this week!
After last week's hike, I knew that God would keep His promise to me and make this week's hike amazing. So I let Him pick where we would go. I could feel His urging to go down toward Mt. Hood. There is a Sno-Park there that has 6 different trails leading out from it, like spokes around a wagon wheel. I had no idea which path He would take us on. I figured I would just stand in the middle of that wheel and see where I was urged to go. In my mind, on the drive to the south end of the mountain, I pictured heading North on the PCT that crosses through the Sno-Park. But that was not to be. I instantly had the strongest pull to go south on the PCT instead. I had never hiked that section of trail, so was a bit concerned doing an unknown trail in snowy winter conditions. But instead of worrying, I prayed that the trail would be easy to find and follow through the forests.
As always, I did my due diligence to study maps before any hike. Once I knew the trailhead we were going for, I studied the maps for all 6 trail options. Therefore, I knew when our boots hit the PCT south that we would be passing by 2 lakes and there was a loop option that would probably take us 10-12 miles through the snow. I knew two of the six trail options well enough to be more comfortable on them in snowy conditions, but I trusted that the whispers in my soul were correct and headed south bound. The trail was beautiful and the snow conditions perfect. I just knew that today was going to be a perfect hiking adventure! I could feel it deep into my bones.
The trail wove through the moss draped trees, moving gently up and down as we moved. We hiked through a mixture of young forests and deeper older growth. The air was cold and crisp and light snow flakes sifted down toward us through the canopy of trees above. The snow on the ground was covered in ice, giving a very satisfying crunch with each step. I had snow shoes strapped to my pack, but hiked in just my snow boots and crampons as it was faster going that way in the current conditions. I had gaiters covering from my boots to knees to give additional waterproofing and insulation to my lower legs from the snow as we sank through. Gaiters are the key to keeping snow from packing in the tops of your boots and melting down into your socks! I secretly love them. The leg warmer fad from the 80's must have come from these. If I could get away with walking around in daily life wearing gaiters, I surely would. Along with my boot spikes of course, well, and an axe strapped to my back....but I digress.
The snow, as always, told me a story at my feet. Today's tracks were mostly human. A few people had hiked through here in the last week and one had a very large dog with them. This critter was at least as large as Josie the Wolf judging from the prints he left behind. But I figured him to be male from the way my girls kept sniffing the lower portion of tree trunks telling me he had been marking his way down the trail. We started to make guesses as to what he might be. I guessed large un-neutered chocolate Lab. But we never ran into him, so that mystery remains. I could tell that this dog was also with a solo male hiker. His tracks with his doggie sidekick lasted longer than any others on our loop hike. A kindred spirit I thought.
The beauty of a snowy trail through forest should not surprise me anymore as I spent a lot of time on snow hikes in 2023. In fact, we did the most number of snow hikes this year than any other. I blame the Arctic Wolf for this. She adores it so much, I can't resist giving it to her when I can. But as we switch-backed through a tight section of forest knowing we were utterly alone on this end of December hike, the trail simply stunned all my senses. I kept stopping and just reveling in each moment. Talking to God in these wild places is so easy, reminding me how everything truly worth while in life is out here in nature, in the places that He made for us to enjoy. I spend my whole life searching for moments such as these. Moments that take my breath away, suffocate me with their quiet calmness and fill me with a peace that is undeniable.
As we continued pushing through the snow, and watching for occasional blue blazes high in the trees marking the trail, we suddenly came upon a small meadow and a work of art created by some other hiker using trekking poles. I smiled as I looked at the drawing they left to share with fellow hikers. They had used their trekking pole with snow basket attachment to make a smiley face.....but it only had eyes and a mouth. Josie immediately walked up to it and planted her foot exactly in the center to make a wolf print nose on the face! She then stepped out without disturbing anything else. Nova and I looked at each other speechless and then started to laugh. I could never recreate that moment if I tried. Josie innocently looked at us as we doubled over in laughter.
The trail started to climb more earnestly to reach the top of the pass we were ascending before being able to drop down to the first lake. Not far from the passes high point of the day at just over 4500 feet of elevation, we came upon a small tree holding back a large boulder on the hill. I smiled realizing that this is surely how we can all feel in life sometimes. We hold back the boulders in our lives trying not to let them crush us. We struggle to hold back boulders of negativity, to hold back our worries, to hold back the fears and anxiety and doubts, to hold back the thoughts that we aren't good enough or valuable enough, to hold back the sadness that can seep into our souls by walking through daily life on earth. Every bad memory, every horrible thing that I have been through in my life is held back like this boulder. I strain and push against them to keep them from over taking me. But here, in the wilderness, I can be free to move among the boulders strewn about my life. They no longer press against me when I am in the wild spaces. I walk together through my memories and I let the boulders roll to more comfortable positions among and within me. It is only when I leave the mountains and forests and am immersed back in humanity that I feel those boulders starting to roll onto me once again, pressing against my very chest.
People often are surprised that I hike year round. They don't understand hiking in rain or sleet or snow. They don't understand the frostbite, damaged knees and broken toes. They can't understand pushing right over blisters and sunburns and fording raging rivers to do it. Trying to explain that I need to spend time walking among boulders in the forests, so I can rearrange them and take some pressure off my mind and body, only causes confused looks. So instead I tell them that the world has become my prison and weekly hiking adventures are simply my conjugal visits. This, they seem to understand.
As we were enjoying remembering all our hiking adventures (aka conjugal visits) throughout this year, we suddenly dropped down and came face to face with our first lake of the day. It was frozen over and gorgeous beyond belief. The snow spilled right up to the edge of the ice.
As we stood silently enjoying the enchanting beauty that lay at our feet, listening to the gentle breeze making the tree tops sway, the sun started to play peek-a-boo with the snow filled clouds above us. A few birds came near and chirped at us from their tree bough perches. I could sense deep inside my spirit that this was a special place and we were meant to be here in this time and this place. So I decided it was time to begin our true New Year's celebration. Since we were holding still and no longer moving briskly, our internal temperatures started to drop. This meant it was the perfect time to pull out Nova's new celebration pom-pom snood! Now, if you want me to have fun, all you really have to do is give me some snoods, my dog and a camera and I can enjoy myself all day long. It just never gets old. As I got the girls in position at the edge of the lake, I knelt down in my snow pants against the cold snowy ground to capture the moment with my camera.
I was smiling and laughing as I encouraged my hiking partners to look at me. As I did so, I took a cookie from the treat pouch hanging on my tactical belt and held it in my left hand above my head to snap a cute photo. But what happened next stunned all of us. As I snapped those photos with the girl's rapt attention, I was instantly aware of the sound of fluttering wings and then the sensation of callused fingers gripping my hand. In the blink of an eye the treat I held was gently stolen from my hand by one of the birds who had come to watch over us. I didn't move. I didn't even look up. I sat frozen on my knees in the snow with the camera still pointed at the girls in my right hand and my left arm still stretched out above my head holding onto nothing. Only my mouth had dropped wide open while the rest of me was frozen in place. The girls didn't even blink. My only move was to press down on the camera's shutter. It was all so utterly shocking. Moments ticked by before I slowly lowered my empty hand and looked at my bare fingers. My open slacked jaw turned into a huge smile. Here was what the girls looked like while they were frozen from the shock of what we just experienced. Their eyes following the thief in silent awe. I was surprised that they didn't jump toward the angel bird. But I think they were just too stunned. We all were.
Now if you have learned anything about my character and who I am by reading this blog, you will surely know what we did next. All three of us bubbled with joy and excitement and hollered out, "Let's do it again!!!" So again, and again and again I held a treat above my head, laughing with joy as each was stolen. Before long we were encircled by at least a half dozen little angels all ready to come for a free meal. Each time, they were so incredibly gentle. I could easily feel how rough their little fingers were and even the scrapping of their claws against my skin. But they never hurt me. Their beaks carefully grazed me as they took the offered meal without pecking me in any way. I could feel their strength through their delicate fingers and adored every second. These wild winged angels were more gentle taking treats from me than my own silly Pionus parrot who sits in the corner of my living room and constantly asks me what I am doing. Here are what my adorable new friends looked like.
Now knowing me as you do, you know I also had to take on the challenge of trying to capture a photo of my friends while taking the cookie from my very fingers. This turned out to be much harder than I ever would have thought. Although it felt slow when I lowered my head and closed my eyes and just experienced the feeling of their fingers against my skin, their actual flight time was super fast. Over and over I ended up taking photos of just my hand holding the treat in the air and then my empty hand holding nothing at all. Over and over I tried to time depressing the shutter button with when I heard the fluttering of wings. When I ran out of all but crumbs in my treat bag, I had to call it good with a partial angel body. Just like God's other angels, I think they tried to avoid being photographed while in motion interacting with me. But at least the angels were among us today.
Now at first I felt that I could think of no better way to while away an afternoon than to feed winged angels from my bare hands, but then Josie was showing me another idea. She wanted to walk out on the icy lake and see if she could get it to crack. Being tied together, I of course, had to follow my ice loving girl. The ice easily held the Wolf's weight (close to 70 pounds with her pack on). There was no indication of any cracking at all. So I followed her out, easing myself slowly across the surface and listening for any creaking or moaning warnings from the ice. I did not know this lake and whether this was a shallow portion or the deep end of the lake. But I figured if we didn't go too far out, if the ice broke, we would not fully submerge or be sucked under ice unable to resurface. I reminded myself to be ready to throw my arms out to either side of me to catch myself if the ice did try to swallow us up. My biggest concerns were to not submerge my gun in his holster at my hip or get my fancy camera equipment wet. That and not dying of course. But the ice easily held all three of us as we moved across the smooth surface. Doing things like this are exactly why my own Mother does not know about this blog. I knew I was taking a risk, but that lake called to me like a siren's song. We inched out further and further until we were probably 10-15 feet from shore. I once again knelt down onto the ice to get a better vantage point, knowing that my gaiters and thick snow pants would protect me from the freezing surface. I held my breath with each move we made, ultra aware of my every sense.
Then it happened. I didn't expect this feeling. I expected fear. I expected cracking and falling. But instead of any of that, I had the most overwhelming desire to rip my ice spikes off my boots, drop my pack and tie the girls to a tree so I could get a running start and see if I could slide across the entire lake. In my mind, I could see and even feel myself sliding across the lake from end to end while shrieking at the top of my lungs. Oh, how I wanted to throw caution to the wind and go for it. But I took hold of myself and gave myself a stern talking to. "If you fall through, the girls would be left as cougar bait overnight. You can't do that to them. You can't take them with you on the ice as you would never forgive yourself if they fell through and you couldn't save them. You must stop this crazy idea." As I uttered these words of wisdom, I stood and stared at my feet on the ice. It was a significant struggle if I am being honest. I like to take bucket list moments and check them off my list. But a deep sensation within me told me no on this one.....and I strangely, for once, listened.
"If only I had a hiking partner with me today." I moaned. For all of you who say you wish you could hike with me, please know this would be your fate. I would have made you run across the lake to test the ice for me. It would have been perfect. Then, if you survived, you could have held onto my girls while I did the same. This was the only time I have ever wished for a hiking partner beyond Nova and Josie.....as an ice guinea pig.
Alas, we turned and walked off the lake to continue down the trail without any wild slip and slide adventures. As we got to the other end of the lake, my heart pounded in my chest with a new realization. From all the grassy fronds poking up through the ice on the south end with the slowly sloping and extended foreground, I realized that this was indeed the shallow end of the lake. I swallowed hard knowing that where we had stood moments before out on the north end was really the deep section and clearly was far deeper than I am tall. Nova knew it too. She turned to look at me with her best "I told you so" glare. If only we had walked around the lake before choosing a spot to walk far out on her icy surface I thought! But instead I focused on what the fish in the deep end must have been thinking about our three shadows crossing over their heads.
I turned to see if Josie was as heart stricken as Nova and I at the realization that we stood on ice over the deep end of this lake. But instead of finding any anxiety or concern in the Wolf, I found her trying to snort snow up her nose like cocaine. She was doing a pretty good job of it too.
The day was growing late and so we headed down to the second lake before making our way around the end of the loop and back up toward the PCT northbound. We watched the sun begin its descent through the clouds and trees as we descended and then eventually found a perfect snowy log to sit on and have our supper near the southern lake. What could be better on this day than hot apple cider from a pocket thermos and a huge juicy orange?
As we hiked northbound on the Pacific Crest Trail and felt that hollowed ground rise up to meet us, I sipped on my steaming cider and processed the day. The thought came to me that perhaps the most significant moment of my life was kneeling by that frozen lake as angels ripped cookies from my hands with their calloused fingers and my girls sat still and watched each one in awe and amazement with me. As the cold air sent frigid tentacles through every gap in my clothing, and the sun peaked through the clouds and shimmered off the icy waters of the lake, my entire life made sense. I can still feel those rough, yet gentle, angel fingers on my very skin. The incredible natural beauty and experiences today, coupled with the physical exertion were a salve to restore my very self. Oh, how I want to do this for a life time. If only every day, could be hiking day. If only every day could be my conjugal visit.
As the world around us grew deeper into blackness, Nova stepped into the light of my head torch and made me laugh once again. She had apparently lost one of her celebratory pom-poms on the pacific crest trail somewhere in the last 4 miles. It was snowing once again and harder this time. I knew that pom-pom would not be found until the snow melts come spring and some poor thru-hiker on the PCT has to figure out the story behind the pom-pom. "Oh, they will surely never guess that it was worn by a princess dog who was visited by angels." I thought as we continued forward in the dark after spending some time unsuccessfully searching for the thing. "At least you didn't lose one of your Yoda ears" I told her.
As we neared our awaiting trail truck, who was happily left in 4wd at the icy trailhead, the snow continued to fall on our faces and a super bright light shone down from upon us. It was the moon this time peaking out through the snow clouds and trees. He was saying good night. But more than that, I could feel him saying good bye to an incredible year. Wrapping up 2023 was feeling very bittersweet and we all slowed our steps to savor every last moment of this the last hike of the year. I couldn't wait to see what 2024 would bring, but right now, all I wanted to do was stand under this moon and sip my hot apple cider forever.
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