This was not a good week for me to die. So instead of going up to the mountain to dabble in high avalanche danger, I chose a former death hike as tradition states I must. I know most people would say it is never a good week to die, but I am ready to go home anytime. However, this was particularly not a good week because I simply had a lot going on at my work and was in the throws of 50 hour work weeks just to stay afloat. There were a lot of people counting on me and the pressure was intense. It surely would be a bad time to leave this planet and going up to the heavy snow laden mountains after a huge warming trend, was just a recipe for death.....at least the way Josie the Wolf and I were going to do it. Hiking up hidden valleys on the mountain to glissade in untraveled gullies is not the brightest plan and I knew that. But you see, when I get stressed, I crave doing stupid things even more than normal. Only by embracing my adrenaline and forcing it to fill my veins can I get my mind off stress.
Luckily another hike dawned on me when making my hiking decisions on this February day. It is the time of year when I always do a traditional trail, so I knew it was the right alternative. This winter was the five year anniversary of the hike on this very trail where a man attempted to abduct me. He even told me that was what he was doing before playing cat and mouse with me for hours on the trail. I tracked him and kept watch of his every move, trying to keep him in front of me. Once, I caught him trying to hide behind a large tree to grab me at one point. Later he told me he was too cold and wet to keep tracking me only for me to later find that he had dropped and made snow angels in a field on the way out, knowing I would see them. He sabotaged my snow covered truck on the closed winter road so that it wouldn't start, forcing me to make more unwise decisions to survive. It is a hike I will never forget. Sadly, it was not the first time I have had men try to grab me on the trail. But I have been determined to not let this get the best of me.
So every single year since that hike, I have recreated the hike around the same time. I park my truck the same way in the same place. I start the hike at the same time of day and night hike out. We recreate every part that we can, minus the bad guy of course. It has actually become fun for me now. I find each section of trail that reminds me of what he did. I smile at the memories that seem like it was just yesterday as I rejoice in my survival and resilience. I did not let him steal my joy of hiking. I did not let him steal this trail from me. I survived and this is my proof of survival hike each year. I wouldn't have it any other way.
Last year, it was only Josie and I since Nova had just had her knee injury that ultimately required surgery. It was so hard to do it without her, and today I was thrilled to have her back with me! Even she recognized where we were and smiled over at me as we started down the trail. "That's right Baby Girl", I told her, "We are back."
The trail started off snowy, but not as deep or as icy as some years. It has been interesting to compare one year to the next since we always come within the same 4 week window each year. The girls were happy to play in the snow in their own ways....which are wildly different from one another.
I did not bother with snowshoes today, but just hiked with spikes on my boots. There were places covered in ice, and others that were soft and slushy. It seemed as if the conditions were changing with each step. But something new was happening on the trail today and it astounded me. As I got to the suspension bridge, the snow virtually stopped and then did stop completely within a few tenths of a mile later. It was as if the suspension bridge was the Narnia wardrobe and I was coming back into England after being in the frozen land. I felt like I had just hiked from winter into spring within my own steps.
"Guess I don't need my spikes" I grumbled. But as it turned out, conditions were so muddy in many places that I just left them on the entire day to be safest. Besides, I love the sound of the chains and spikes beneath me when I walk. Makes me feel like I am real hardcore and who doesn't like that feeling? At least I do as a tiny woman.....you know it is that little dog-big dog syndrome on steroids the smaller you are! At 4 foot 10 inches, I have this syndrome real bad.
One of the reasons I was extra excited about hiking this trail today was that we had just experienced an atmospheric river and all the river levels were super high. I could only imagine what the falls must look like now after all the rains. In fact just the river we were hiking along was more impressive than I had ever seen.
Hiking this trail here on the 5th anniversary of our last abduction attempt felt as natural as breathing. I often feel that this is just a walk that needs walking. In the summer, this is a super popular short hike. But in the winter the road is closed and you have to add another 5 miles to the hike, usually in deep snow to make it. Since the snow ended shortly after the bridge, I felt like I was given a gift. I couldn't believe how much easier it was to move up the trail without all the snow and ice I normally fight! It was a secret that was keeping others away and I loved it!
With each step I took I was feeling renewed, rejuvenated and calmed. The fresh and cold air, the the rush of the river to my side, the feeling of the earth beneath my boots and spikes, it was all my undoing. I closed my eyes as I slowed my steps and savored every breath, every sound, every memory. There was not another human on the trail. I was safe and I was loved by my God and Savior. I could feel Him with me with each step; whispering in my ear. I smiled and reached my arms out and upwards in worship as I moved through the humble forest. The canopy of evergreens above swayed gently in the breeze with me.
There are areas of this trail that narrow above the river and are dangerous when slick. I have learned to pay close attention to these sections when we are tied together and clinging to the earth by spikes alone, but today, it was quite pleasant and undaunting. I smiled and was overcome from the blessings God was bestowing upon me today. He knew that I needed rest and peace in my heart. He was giving it to me in spades today without the normal adrenaline rush to do it.
I arrived at what I call the Mossy Creek Falls and shortly after the Mossy Cliff section of the trail. What is it about that bright green moss smothering every surface that moves something inside my soul I mused? I wondered if my relationship with God is like that. He covers me like moss on an unturned stone and it is a salve like no other....protecting me, healing me, loving me.
It wasn't long before I heard the faint thunder. Not from the sky, but from the falls we were approaching. I have seen them many times, but anticipation for the high water levels virtually had me running toward them as if drawn like a magnet. What I saw stripped me to the core with such intensity that I stopped breathing, stopped moving, stopped even existing for a period of unknown time. Everything was different. My nerve endings were raw. I was overcome.
It was funny that when I finally could move my cells once more, I realized that Nova and Josie were also frozen in place just staring at the roaring falls. The sound was beyond intense and the spray up from the pool was instantly soaking us. I shouted, I screamed. I laughed. I lost my mind. Then I did what only I knew to do. I pulled out my camera and started taking photos like a crazy person. I believe I logged over 600 photos just from the falls alone. I couldn't stop.
Yup, Nova was celebrating being back at the falls too!
I will spare you the majority of the 600 photos, but what I found particularly funny was when Nova and I were so focused on her traditional poses for her photo shoot (that girl loves her picture taken!), Josie became jealous and started to offer her own rather unique poses. For some reason, she felt like a Wolf booty was what everyone would want to see. She always makes me laugh that one. These are from Josie.
I knew that I would not be able to tear myself away from the falls for awhile. So I stood above the bowl in awe of the pounding waters pushing themselves down with a force quite unlike anything I have experienced. The problem soon became that while all the waters rushed from on high to down low, my body started to feel as it if should also be plummeting into the bowl beneath our feet. I leaned forward, drawn by inexplicable forces until I jerked back, terrified of myself and sat down on the closest boulder to keep from falling headfirst into the freezing waters. The more I sat and stared at the sight before me, trying to watch a small section of water and keep my eyes on it from top to bottom, the more mesmerizing the falls became. More than once, I had to remind myself that I came to these falls because it was not a good time to die. But like a wave cannot resist crashing on the beach, my body was drawn forward. As I watched the bowl shoot water straight upwards in defiance of gravity, and the waves created crash against the rocky sides, I was drawn to wonder what it would feel like to fall into that wicked pool. It would be so easy.....
I refrained from standing, unsure if I could control myself this close to the waterfalls. There were moments when I went so deep inside myself that I no longer heard the roar of the falls. Everything was silent both within and without in those moments. The silence was deafening and I loved the perspective it gave me. I would get through the coming weeks. Just like climbing a mountain, I knew it would be one step at a time, one day at a time. God was in control and good things were going to come. He had great plans for me and I trusted him. As I thought these things, I turned my head and saw a tree that has surely been there every time I have come. He was literally growing up between two giant boulders, most of his roots dangling in the air. But today, I saw him in a new light. Today I saw how tenacious he was and knew that I was just like that tree.
I thought of Psalm 32, verses 6-7 as I quietly left this hollowed ground to hike back to my truck along the closed winter road once more:
Therefore let all the faithful pray to you while you may be found; surely the rising of the mighty waters will not reach them. You are my hiding place; you will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance.
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