March 2024

I had the honor and privilege to spend my 50th birthday at a private slumber party in a crematorium. I dare you to tell me that this is not the best idea ever! I even got to burn up little bodies while cooking my birthday dinner over the crematorium. Wait until you hear the guest list! But I get ahead of myself. Let me start at the beginning.

Back in autumn of 2023 it dawned on me that my 50th birthday would fall directly on my hiking day. I started to think about what would be an appropriate hike to make the day special. I knew I wanted it to be an over-nighter. After much debate, I devised a snow hike that would end with an overnight stay at a snow shelter with the crematorium....a monstrous wood stove that you could easily fit a human being inside of. In fact I did get inside it just to prove the point. I had spent the night in this shelter once before in January of 2023 in a wicked snow storm and it was amazing; when I wasn't almost freezing to death. You see this shelter has one open wall with vinyl meat-locker style slats hanging from it. To really set the ambience, there is a red stain that looks like blood on some of the slats. I couldn't think of a better way to spend my 5oth! For months I thought about my date with the crematorium. Then Nova had her knee injury at the end of January, and I knew plans would have to change. There was no way for her to do a snow hike with her bad knee in March and I could never be without her on my birthday. I also couldn't carry her through deep snow like I did a couple of hikes ago. Perhaps if I had a sled it might have worked. But instead I purchased an all terrain bike trailer/stroller for her.

Since Nova is more important to me than anyone, I didn't really mind the change of plans, although I was a bit disappointed. By the time my birthday hike came around, we were completely invested in the idea of taking the maiden voyage in Nova's new all-terrain stroller. I must say that I really can't bear to call it a stroller as that sounds way too girly for my taste. So I tried calling it a trailer, a wagon, a buggy....you name it, I worked to come up with some sort of name for the thing. All I did know was that it was surely going to be better than the toddler carrying backpack I used last to let Nova continue to hike with me. That was true misery!

Luckily Nova took right to her new off road buggy and jumped inside. I put a couple of blankets inside and strapped all my gear to it so I wouldn't need to carry a backpack at all. I must admit that this left me feeling very naked and I learned that I truly don't like walking in the woods without a pack on. Weird, I know. I kept reaching for the spigot on my bladder bag to get a drink and found it missing. This meant I did not hydrate well since I couldn't drink and drive at the same time.

I thought that Nova would lie down in the buggy and enjoy the ride in true princess style. But she insisted on sitting with her head through the sunroof the entire time. She wanted to watch everything we did. At first she faced forward, but then at times she would turn to just watch me. I, of course, blew kisses at her when she did that! We came to our first small but tall waterfall on the trail and took a moment to enjoy the sight and sound.

Since this was our first time in the buggy, I decided to set us up for as much success as possible. I chose a mostly paved biking trail for the day. It would only be 10.5 miles and without much elevation gain or loss. This is a path used by cross country skiers in winter and bikers most of the rest of the year. I have gone snowshoeing on it a few times and many years ago did bike it a time or two. It has terrific views up and down the gorge and is generally always sunny, yet windy. There are also some fun tunnels to go through. The problem with this is that I knew it would have a lot more people on the trail than any of us are use to. It would be considered a very tame trail compared to what we prefer. But, it would allow us to take Nova on our outing, so the sacrifice was warranted. I just can't leave my partner behind whenever possible!

The problem with so many humans on the trail is how they responded to seeing Nova riding in her all terrain buggy. From a distance you could tell they thought I was pushing a baby. But when they got closer, they smiled, they laughed, they cooed in the most annoying ways. In fact the fast moving bikers loudly guffawed when caught by surprise as Nova turned her head to look at them. I hung my head. I consider myself a tough, hard core type human who takes the bull by the horns. I pride myself on being tougher than most men I know. Having people cooing at me was not okay. I wanted to scream at them that we are hardened distance hikers and mountain climbers. I wanted to tell them about our fording raging rivers and sleeping in places that almost killed us. I wanted to tell them about my broken toes kicking steps into glacial walls on the knife's edge while carrying Nova. But all I could do was hang my head and be the buggy woman on the trail. Pride comes before the fall I told myself over and over again as I tried not to make eye contact. I couldn't take the smiles anymore. I found myself walking faster and faster as if to prove a point.

Luckily as we approached the first of the tunnels, most of the humans seemed to have disappeared. We were several miles in now and for some reason many people don't go the whole way from west to east trailheads and back again. The girls looked with surprise into the tunnel not sure what to make of it. They were not so sure they wanted to go into something that looked so foreign in the outdoors. But once inside, they seemed to enjoy the dripping water and echoing sounds.

The series of tunnels in this section moved through different styles. After the initial one with old cement columns, we moved into one that had wooden sides and then ones that were all natural rock. We enjoyed each one as we headed east.

Once we reached the east side of the tunnels it was all downhill to the turn around point at another trailhead. I have to admit that even though there was not a lot of elevation gain and loss on this trail, I realized that I didn't appropriately think through the cart pushing situation. So the cart alone weighs forty pounds. When I added twenty pounds of tire repair tools and tubes, water, books, blankets and gear and then a 35 pound Nova, that put the total wagon weight at 95 pounds. It didn't seem bad, until my 105 pounds had to push that uphill and it suddenly dawned on me that these were not great odds. Moving downhill was far worse. I had an emergency strap connected from my tactical belt to the wagon just in case, as I was not about to have Nova be in a run away wagon! I was instantly becoming aware of muscles I didn't even know I had with all the pushing and pulling. When we needed to ascend, I would find myself bending over with my arms stretched out far in front to keep pushing those 95 pounds upwards. I felt like a coffee table at times I was so bent over. The backs of my thighs were on fire. As Steve Backshall would say, my butt was going to become like two bowling balls with this sort of adventure! The injury to my left upper thigh that occurred during the dog attack a few weeks ago (which I thought had fully healed) came back to scream at me! Apparently it had not healed, I just wasn't using the right muscles. The buggy changed all that.

We decided that our only break time would be on our sling shot back at the best trail-side viewpoint. This of course turned out to be the most windy and cold section we could stop at. I knew that Nova was going to instantly get cold as I was already pulling out my emergency puffer coat myself. So I had no choice but to get out Nova's new bat ear snood......and then her new sunglasses.

Just like that, a new name for the all terrain buggy commenced amongst all our giggling. It was from now on dubbed the Bat Mobile. I was going to have to find some batman patches or something. For now, the current patches are as follows:

In case you can't read those, they say "In my defense I was left unsupervised" and "That's a terrible idea, when do we start" which I find both very appropriate for our hiking crew. It was so incredibly windy here that I realized I was not going to want to lay down and read my book as planned. Even Josie was struggling to not be blown away when she wanted to stand on the walls. Just look at her toe feathers and face blowing in the breeze!

It was somewhere between 4-5pm at this point and all I had eaten all day was a spoonful of peanut butter. So I knew it was time for a little birthday lunch. I had only brought one thing with me and it was a special treat indeed. A friend from work had given me a mint chocolate chip cookie that was easily the size of my own head. It had packed well in the front pouch on the Bat mobile, not breaking at all. I pulled it out and Nova eyed it with great interest. "Sorry little lady, I have other food for you today" I told her and gave her a special bone instead.

I'm not going to lie, I could barely eat half the cookie before I felt like I was going to die. So I saved the other half for later. I didn't think I would ever need to eat again after that! The girls ate their doggie snacks and we all tried to hydrate before we moved onward, shivering.

Upon reaching a side trail that I wanted to explore, we found our first wildflowers of 2024, which was a nice birthday gift. They were beautiful and we couldn't help but to take some time to enjoy them as we watched the sun sink lower in the sky. Most of the humans were long since gone off trail now making it even sweeter.

Unfortunately along with the first wildflowers of the season, we found the first ticks of the season too. I groaned inwardly thinking it was far too early for them!! Every year the ticks seem to get worse and worse. They are not our friends! On the way back to the truck, I couldn't help but enjoy a little trail running. Something about pushing the Bat mobile on pavement does that to a girl. Nova and Josie were both down for it.

As I loaded the girls and the Bat mobile back into the truck, I hit my second wind ready for birthday outing--phase two. You see the night before this hike, I was driving home from work and felt God whisper to me that I didn't have to give up on my dream of spending my 50th at the crematorium. He told me that I should do the wagon hike with Nova and then drive up to the mountain and spend the night in the shelter afterwards. This way Josie could have her snow time, I could have my crematorium time and Nova would be with us for all of it. After only a moment's hesitation, I whole-heartedly agreed to the plan with an evil chuckle. I had ordered a new sleeping bag for my birthday.....a down expedition bag rated to take me to minus 20 degrees. I couldn't wait to try it out and the shelter in the snow seemed like the perfect opportunity. I sang along to the music on my stereo the whole way up the mountain.

There were just three things that I would need a miracle with to make this part of the plan work. I prayed and prayed that God would give me the three miracles needed. First, I needed the snow to be plowed enough to get me close to the shelter. Nova can't walk far in deep snow with her bad knee, so I needed to get real close. That is truly hit and miss this time of year on the mountain's forest service roads. When they do plow, the snow will be higher than my truck is tall and it is like driving through tunnels of white. Second, we needed to be the only ones there. If someone else had the same idea on the same night, we would have to turn around and drive all the way home rejected from the plan. What a bitter disappointment that would be. It is the rule of the outdoors, if you are there first, you get it. I doubted the three of us would be invited in if someone else was there first. Third, we would need enough dry firewood to get through the night. In March it was very likely that the woodshed at the shelter would be barren. There was hardly anything in it that last January when we were there as it was.

As we got closer and closer, I grew more nervous that this plan would not work and I was wasting my time and my hope. But the road was amazingly plowed close to the shelter. The final unplowed mile to get me right next to it required 4wd, some curse words and lots of fishtailing and fighting the wheel to not end up in a snow bank for the night. But we did it and as I rounded the final bend I saw not one other truck there!! "Yippee" I shouted out-loud and prayed for just one more thing. I told the girls to stay in the truck as I ran to the shelter to check for firewood. The sliding door to the woodshed was padlocked closed and I almost died inside. That is until I saw some firewood stacked up inside the shelter lining 2 of the walls. After a quick survey I surmised that it would just barely be enough wood to get through the night if I was frugal. If it wasn't enough and I ran out, I could always pack up and leave at like 4am if we started to freeze I thought. I ran back to get the girls and all our overnight gear.

Inside the shelter there is a large picnic table, the crematorium of course, and then benches lining most of the walls. There is a large garbage can and maps on the walls of all the snow trails in the area and little notices about how to prevent hyperthermia. The floor is gravel, the walls and beams are log and it is total perfection. I adore this shelter. I could very happily live here. Although at some point, I would replace the vinyl slats with a real wall and door. Mostly because when it is windy, they really slap loudly together and wake you up all night long. Never mind the freezing cold air that blows in. It is the sound that drives me nuts. It constantly makes you feel like something or someone is walking in on you. I brought two candles with me and I lit one on the table and one on the bench near where I would make our bed. Both times I have slept here, I have chosen to sleep between the crematorium and the back wall, which is farthest from the open wall. It is the most protected and warmest spot in the shelter! Once the candles were going, I started the fire.

Now I have learned this stove and we are friends. He is an old rusty beast, with lots of life left in him. You have to really work to open and close the main hatch as well as the vents. When you build the fire, you must start it in the very back to be right under the chimney or it will smoke you right out. (Hence why you get to climb into the crematorium every time). The drafting is tempermental on this guy to say the least. Luckily I already knew all this from my January visit here, so I had a great fire crackling away within minutes, like a pro. It didn't hurt that I had brought a bucket of dry, small pieces of firewood, fatwood starters as well as wax fire starters. I wasn't messing around. I remembered how most of the wood stored here were HUGE pieces...more like entire tree rounds than split wood, so I needed ways to really get things going. The one thing I forgot to bring was an axe and there were indeed two huge rounds I could never get into the stove. Alas. Here is my friend getting all hot and bothered.

It was pitch black now except for the fire and my candles. I placed a red enamel covered cast iron pot on the stove to get some water boiling. I figured by about 9pm I should force myself to eat something beyond that half cookie. I had brought ramen noodles for my celebratory carb-loading dinner along with a bottle of butterscotch beer given to me by another work friend. This is a non-alcoholic beverage more like a cream soda on steroids. I am not a soda drinker, but will have half of one of these like once a year for a special occasion. However, since you only turn 50 once, I decided we were going to splurge and do the whole thing tonight while toasting God for my three miracles. I made up the bed including my new sleeping bag (and all the blankets from my truck) and Nova was the first one to hop in.

I sat on the bench of the picnic table stretching my legs out to the fire while I enjoyed my birthday dinner. This is the best slumber party I have ever had I thought to myself and smiled. Just us girls.

Just us girls that was until I heard a very distinct sound. "Oh, we have a visitor crashing our slumber party at the crematorium," I told Nova and Josie excitedly! The sound was splashing coming from where I drained the hot noodle water off my pot into a disposable tin dish I found in the corner of the shelter. I pulled out a flashlight and sure enough, we had a new friend. I made the girls stay where they were so I could go and introduce myself to the little guy. I found him to be devastatingly handsome, nicely hairy (dare I say he had a red beard) and the kind of guy who likes to hang out in inhospitable environments. I instantly knew what his name had to be. "You are hereby called Aldo Kane, named after the very good looking, beard wearing, ex-sniper and Scottish adventurer known for going to harsh and forbidding places" I told him. I swear he answered me with an accent. (Now Mr. Kane, if you are reading this, please know I see this as the highest of compliments to you! I wouldn't want to share my shelter with anyone else but perhaps you on this special night.)

In case you are wondering where Aldo's front legs are, he was repeatedly washing his face after his warm water bath and was clutching them under his cute chin as we talked. Aldo is a very fastidious guy and we were really going to get the party started now that he had arrived. I brought him some noodles, which he loved and a giant pile of dog food. He was a good listener and was feasting like he had never feasted before. I invited him to come closer to the fire so he could stay warm and I threw in more wood to get the whole stove glowing. What a night this was turning out to be! A fifty year old woman, a dog recovering from a knee injury, a sleepy Wolf and a noodle eating and bathing mouse named Aldo gathered around a blazing crematorium. You just can't get better than that. Well, technically you can. You see, the opportunity arose to throw tiny little bodies into the fire to watch them turn to ash. As I sat by the fire looking at the Wolf, I started to see ticks crawling all over her from our hike. (Yes, she takes monthly tick prevention, but it takes a little while to kill them). So our party game at this slumber celebration was to pick ticks off and watch them burn. That is truly more fun than it sounds, but you'll have to take my word for it. Or perhaps I am spending too much time alone. I don't care which it was, I had the greatest of nights! I will admit that I did get lost deeply in thoughts of whether or not I could make Aldo a tiny flannel shirt. But I blame the butterscotch beer for that folly. He at the very least needed a towel for all his bathing needs. I contemplated building a mouse spa that night. You see, I will go out of my way to make my special friends comfortable. Since he came to my party, he was a special friend indeed.

When I finally crawled into my new expedition sleeping bag, I was shocked by how warm and luxurious it felt. I stripped off most of my clothes and was still really rather hot. I laid and read my book for hours by candlelight until exhaustion finally had its way with me around midnight. I would like to tell you that I slept through the night peacefully. But that was not to be. I had to get up every 2 hours to restock wood in the stove, take the Wolf outside because she was begging to explore the dark winter-wonderland where coyotes howled and stars twinkled, was repeatedly awoken from the vinyl slats slapping together in wind gusts and kept having to yell at Aldo to stop splashing so loudly in his bathtub all night. However, this did not damper my feelings of joy and contentment as darkness turned to dawn.

When morning came and I sat up with my hair a mess and rubbed my face. I stared out the slats to the snowy morning outside. All the dog food I left for Aldo was gone showing me that he also had a sleepless night. It was 6am and I had just a few pieces of unused firewood left over. I opened the thermos I had packed the previous morning and found hot cocoa steaming and ready to go for the morning drive back home. Everything was perfect. Nova wanted to go outside and do zoomies in the snow despite her healing knee and I watched the tops of the trees light up with fire from the early morning rays of sunrise. We took a few more pictures before packing up to reluctantly leave.

As I drove away, sipping on the hot cocoa from the lid of my Stanley thermos that I held in my lap, I couldn't help but think how my plans for this hike had been changed by circumstances outside of my control. Yet the day and night still turned out to be better than I ever could have hoped. I could have been defeated and given up on my dream for this birthday night. I could have doubted that God would come through for me with the three miracles I needed. But I had faith the size of a mustard seed and that was all I needed to move this mountain of doubt, disappointment and despair and turn it into the best slumber party ever. It made me think of a tree I found on the trail the day before while pushing the Bat mobile. It was a small deciduous tree clinging to a mossy and wet cliff face. His roots ran above and below his trunk, hanging onto the cliff for dear life, while he turned to face the sky. That tree had a dream for his life too and he had the faith to hang on every day no matter how hard it was and what obstacles life threw at him. I prayed that the tree would live a long and happy life and that I learn to always be as full of courage, determination and faith as he surely is. I also want to live life like Aldo, embracing each moment with joy and vigor and when life gives you a warm noodle water bath, just splash away, no matter what anyone says.